over the years i've gotten pretty good at looking at the big picture. i've been able to ignore the gossip and avoid the drama....all the while knowing that the friendships that remain are the ones worth keeping. i can endure the growing pains associated w/being a child b/c i see the wonderful, independent adults they will become. i accept the day to day "failures" as a woman, mother, wife...b/c i believe that the person who will emerge is stronger than the person who entered the journey.
but lately i've noticed that in my desire to rise above - i have been overlooking what's below - the here and now.....in an effort to see the big picture - i've ignored the little things.
today is my birthday. every birthday i make a list of resolutions for myself....things i'd like to accomplish in the upcoming year....physically, mentally and spiritually. this year however - i am stuck. i can't seem to figure out what i want to focus on. now, i'm not saying i'm perfect and therefore have nothing to improve. its different. its like i don't have the desire to plan ahead to the person i want to be. instead, i want to appreciate the person i am today.
recently, i took a walk around my backyard. it is huge, weedy, neglected mess. pennsylvania has had rain - tons of rain - for most of the summer. add to that a summer filled with trips to the beach and the mountains - camping weekends - biking........and well you can imagine what the yard looks like. the pavers of my patio are filled with weeds (oh and basil which is kinda cool LOL)......the perennials are overgrown and leggy. the veggie garden......lets just say i've been getting my bounty from the local farmer's market weekly. so...... i went inside and grabbed my camera. i made the effort to overlook the mess...and focused on the little things instead. it took no time before i realized that my garden - was in fact - amazing. flowers were blooming on the vines that climbed above the weeds. butterflies had found the bushes i planted just for them. eggplants (ok - maybe it was just one) had grown and provided at least one meal for the family.
then i thought about my life - when i take the time to notice the small stuff - i find i have a greater appreciation for the big picture.......when the boys squabble - they are simply defining their place in society and what a better place to do that then in a safe environment where they are free to rise and fall and reestablish! when i stop to capture a snapshot - physically w/a camera or mentally w/an image - i am creating a memory that is crisp and clear and more powerful of a time or situation - then if i just sorta noticed and vaguely remembered a time shot through the fuzzy lens of someone in a rush to see the future while ignoring the present........
so what is my birthday wish? continue in the present...take the snapshots...make the memories crisper.......that is the greatest gift i can give myself.