finding my rhythm........

appears to be quite challenging for me this back to school season.

i like to ease into my mornings - wake up, have some coffee, putz around.....preferably without talking to anyone. its not that i'm not a morning person -because i really do love the early morning peace and quiet....its just that i am not a "jump out of bed and greet the morning singing" type of morning person. luckily i've been blessed with 2 boys who enjoy sleeping in - and if they do wake up early - they enjoy either snuggling in bed with me or going downstairs to quietly do something by themselves. therefore summers are the perfect season for us.

but then sometimes its not.............with the freedom of summer days comes the lack of a routine - which i don't really like...maybe not so much a strict routine - but a plan for my day. sure we had daily plans and activities that we did but nothing set in stone. i could easily make plans for the playground or a hike - but if we ended up waking up late or just didn't feel like doing it - we didn't do it.

when september comes i am thrilled! the month starts off with my birthday. there is a change in the air - chilly nites leading into crisp mornings. new smells appear - small hints of autumn...and then of course comes routine and commitments and new demands. its back to school time.

we have to get up by a certain time. i have to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks (which is different then the usual summer eat whenever style we have). there are after school activities and homework and papers and and and...........

i am generally an organized person - when i get a system set up - it works. but i also get easily overwhelmed...which leads me to shut down. that is where i found myself these past couple of weeks....to go from no routine to a full blown one is tough for me. i need to ease into my seasons...just as nature eases into its seasons. when a cloudless warm sunny day subtly transitions into a clear shawl wearing nite....it is good. just as when a family day of of slow but steady movements transitions into a nite of peace and calm.......it is good. but when systems collide - storms rage......that has been me lately....and the need to focus on everyone else -while ignoring my own needs - makes it worse.

my shutting down for a bit - while not so good for the family (or the house which is pretty messy right now) - is very good for me. it has forced me to reprioritize and regroup. i've eliminated unnecessary distractions and refocused on necessary ones. i am tweaking old ideas and making them relevant to now. i am planning. it is good.

i like rhythm. i like movement. i like balance. i am getting there.