i don't really like it - but it is what it is

i have to admit - i'm still not liking the whole "working full time" thing.  i knew i wasn't going to love it - i mean i was a SAHM for 11+ years - and i knew the time would eventually come when i would go back to work full time - and i was fine with that too.  i mean honestly - with both my kids in school all day - i felt kinda silly being at home.  don't get me wrong - i was working 2 days a week and i volunteered at school a lot the other days...but i did have plenty of time to do things at home - time that i took for granted...and time that i wish i had now.   

most of the time i don't even think about it.  but every once in a while i remember.  when i walk outside and see the weeds growing between the patio pavers - i remember how i could spend a whole day or two - alone - in the sun - pulling them...then stepping back and admiring my hard work.  when i drive by yards full of blooming daffodils and tulips - i remember that i had really wanted to plant bulbs last fall but i didn't plan my time well enough to fit it in to my days.  and today...when i am certain that it will be consistently warm enough to hang out in our sunroom...and move my laptop into that room...and into my corner...and look out my window - i remember that when i have done this every past springtime i am able to glance out the window and right down into my little newly planted garden.  but not this spring.  my table is in the same corner.  my little lit beeswax candle is on the window to my left.  my pretty little ikea hanging light is over the laptop.......but my garden hasn't even been started.

but as with everything else i've learned since last october - i've learned to accept it...it is what it is.  i'm sure there are people out there like me - the ones who don't always know a good thing until its gone...and now that a lot of my free time is gone it helps me appreciate the time i do make for myself all the more.  i'm gonna be honest - my garden was nothing to crow about.  i'd start off strong and by the end of the summer it was a disaster! but still - i loved getting the soil ready - planting the plants - and watching things START to grow.  the upkeep was a major fail for me.  but now- now i want to try again.  i want to make the time because i know how precious the free time i have is and what better way to spend it then alone - and quiet - and working.

so yes - while i don't really like what i've had to give up to date - i do really like why i've had to give up so much of my time.  i enjoy the work i do and the business we've started.  i like noticing the free time i have and deciding what i want to do with it and OWNING the decision i've made. 

i was in the life is good store this morning buying a present for my son's birthday...and as i read all the shirts  i felt very grateful for that time i had taken.  while its true you don't know what you've got until it's gone....it's never too late to find it again.

1 comment:

  1. This morning I have been reading your blog. You sound a lot like me. I like what you said about " i like noticing the free time i have and deciding what i want to do with it and OWNING the decision i've made."
    I'm going to take your advice about owning the decision. I need to do that too.