a year ago tonight........

i found myself sitting at this very computer

on the eve before december 1st

and i wrote up this post

there are definite similarities between last year and tonight.  both nights i came home to dirty laundry, dirty dishes and dirty bathrooms.  school papers covered my table then..and looking around me now i find more of the same.  and yep - my calendar is quickly filling up with appointments, events and parties.

i'm glad that some things never change

i found myself reading and rereading last year's post.  i sounded so overwhelmed...so stressed out...so - not fun.  i had just come home from new york - spent a great weekend with my family and our friend - caught up in the hustle and bustle, high energy spirit of manhattan - and yet i wasn't happy.

so what happened between then and now?  then i was only working 2x a week.  now i am working full time.  then my husband worked for someone else.  now we are running our own business.  then we wondered how we would pay for it all.  now - well now we really wonder how we will pay for it all!  then i was assuming that i'd blink and christmas would be over! now - i am assuming i will have just the peaceful season i want.

  

i'm glad some things do change

i wish i knew exactly why i am in a better frame of mind this year.  if i knew - i'd write a book and make millions!  but i don't know.  maybe its yoga.  maybe its being used to letting go of my expectations - and just enjoying the ebb and flow of the unknown.  maybe its the seemingly endless stack of self-improvment books that find themselves on my nightstand!  maybe i am finally learning to be present.  i don't know what it is.  what i do know is that i like it.  i like it a lot.

so tonight

as i did last year on this night

i will finish my tea

and i will go to bed.

and tomorrow will be another day

and if i'm lucky

it will be a peaceful night

without thoughts



so grateful

our first snowfall - today!

today and everyday i am so grateful for so much in my life. 

happy thanksgiving to you and yours



this - one day - i will miss

i won't miss the socks all over the house

i won't miss the tiny lego pieces that perfectly blend into the carpet

i won't miss picking up the swords and helmets and pokeman cards 100x a day

but finding the star war mini guys

hiding in the hanging plants

on vases and tables and chairs

and lined up - ready to attack - along the kitchen sink

this

one day

i will miss

it doesn't matter if you win or lose........

it's how you play the game

teaching an old dog new tricks

the old dog - would be me. for the first time in 12 years i am back to working full time.  back in april we bought a franchise and after months of paperwork to get a state license, and finishing a summer with kids underfoot - we are officially up and running!

i will admit - having to go back to work full time for a business that is your own - is much more exciting than going back to work full time for a business that is NOT your own....but its not any easier.

i am tired.

i am scattered.

i am a bit unorganized.

but i am having fun too!  



for me - the fun part about work is exactly what stresses my husband out - all the money going out (and nothing coming in yet), hiring a staff, setting and meeting goals, the unknown future.  you see - i am a very optimistic person - never really worrying - just 100% sure it will all work out.  sometimes that drives people crazy (like my husband) and sometimes it doesn't (also like my husband) but what can you do.  i like being optimistic and i'm certain more people appreciate it than not. 



the fun part of home is not so easy to define.  yes the house is messy - the laundry piles up - the dishes stay dirty. homework is rushed and nights are filled with activities and there seems to be no time for real family time. how i used to do things - work monday, grocery shopping tuesday, errands on wednesday and so on......well, it doesn't work at all anymore. 

everything is topsy turvy. 

but like an amusement park filled with ups and downs and twists and turns - sugar highs and upset bellys - its wild and crazy

and fun!

oh don't get me wrong - with ups and downs and twists and turns - come moments when i want to scream

GET ME OFF THIS RIDE!

and i can't get off - and i'm getting more and more anxious....

my head is spinning and my stomach is churning. 

i can't focus and i can't think straight.

i squeeze my eyes shut and put my head to my knees....

and just then...it ends...

 and the scary part is over. 

you are left with the giddy part - the laughter as the adrenaline seeps away; the happiness at having survived.  all it took - was riding it out. 

so as my days are filled with twists and turns and ups and downs - my rhythm is changing too.  with each change in routine comes a period of anxiety as what once was second nature to me - now is no more.  then the panic sets in as i struggle to find a new routine - trying it first one way...then another.  one day it works - another day it doesn't.  one moment i am ahead of the game - another i am 2 steps back. 

but i know...in fact i am certain - that during this time of transition if i relax and just let go - the scary part will end and the giddy will begin.



Random Act of Culture

Knight foundation is taking the next 3 years to help bring the arts into the streets by putting on random performances around the city of philadelphia (as well as other cities across the united states)

on oct 30th 650 singers surprised shoppers at downtown macy's by singing hallelujah!

check it out here!