teaching an old dog new tricks

the old dog - would be me. for the first time in 12 years i am back to working full time.  back in april we bought a franchise and after months of paperwork to get a state license, and finishing a summer with kids underfoot - we are officially up and running!

i will admit - having to go back to work full time for a business that is your own - is much more exciting than going back to work full time for a business that is NOT your own....but its not any easier.

i am tired.

i am scattered.

i am a bit unorganized.

but i am having fun too!  



for me - the fun part about work is exactly what stresses my husband out - all the money going out (and nothing coming in yet), hiring a staff, setting and meeting goals, the unknown future.  you see - i am a very optimistic person - never really worrying - just 100% sure it will all work out.  sometimes that drives people crazy (like my husband) and sometimes it doesn't (also like my husband) but what can you do.  i like being optimistic and i'm certain more people appreciate it than not. 



the fun part of home is not so easy to define.  yes the house is messy - the laundry piles up - the dishes stay dirty. homework is rushed and nights are filled with activities and there seems to be no time for real family time. how i used to do things - work monday, grocery shopping tuesday, errands on wednesday and so on......well, it doesn't work at all anymore. 

everything is topsy turvy. 

but like an amusement park filled with ups and downs and twists and turns - sugar highs and upset bellys - its wild and crazy

and fun!

oh don't get me wrong - with ups and downs and twists and turns - come moments when i want to scream

GET ME OFF THIS RIDE!

and i can't get off - and i'm getting more and more anxious....

my head is spinning and my stomach is churning. 

i can't focus and i can't think straight.

i squeeze my eyes shut and put my head to my knees....

and just then...it ends...

 and the scary part is over. 

you are left with the giddy part - the laughter as the adrenaline seeps away; the happiness at having survived.  all it took - was riding it out. 

so as my days are filled with twists and turns and ups and downs - my rhythm is changing too.  with each change in routine comes a period of anxiety as what once was second nature to me - now is no more.  then the panic sets in as i struggle to find a new routine - trying it first one way...then another.  one day it works - another day it doesn't.  one moment i am ahead of the game - another i am 2 steps back. 

but i know...in fact i am certain - that during this time of transition if i relax and just let go - the scary part will end and the giddy will begin.