you know - maybe i'm wrong afterall

for the first time in a long time - i laced up my sneaks and hit the pavement.  when i first started running (and before my recent LONG hiatus) i would run inside on my treadmill.  i didn't want to be seen as the big girl who was walking more than she was running. i was embarassed by what i couldn't do vs being proud of what i was doing.  once i got better i would occasionally venture outside.  i would drive to a park where i was sure to NOT run into anyone i knew.

but what i really wanted to do was wake up - lace up my brooks - and start running.  it bothered me that i chose to *drive* to a place to run when i could easily run around here. not that i have anything against driving to a trail - we have some truly beautiful trails around here that are full of runners.  its just that i would use the "having to drive" as an excuse.  often i'd say i didn't have the time to drive to the park - run - then drive back home.........so i just didn't do it.  now granted - my neighborhood is not a great place to run either ( i live surrounded by country roads full of wicked curves, blind hills and speeding drivers) but really it was just another excuse i could use.

well yesterday i decided i was tired of the excuses.  i was not going to drive to a park.  i was not going to be afraid of the speeding cars. i was not going to care about people thought of me.

i got up before work and ran....and as you can imagine it wasn't pretty.  i ran a bit and i walked too.  since it was before 7am there were a lot of cars - and alot of buses on the road.  there were parents and kids at the bus stops. i was immediately self concious of walking.  of FAILING at running.  i pictured everyone seeing me and thinking "haha - look at her.  she's too out of shape to run!  if she were thinner she could run!"

well - right then and there i said STOP - ENOUGH ALREADY!  you see, i've been reading dr wayne dyer's book excuses begone! and it has really made a difference in how i view my excuses.  i didn't beat myself up for having the excuses - i simply acknowledged them - and let them go.  then i shifted my perception.  what if the people in the cars and on the buses, the parents and kids at the busstops...what if they were thinking "man, i should really start running" or "good for her for starting" or what if they weren't thinking of me at all!!!! i thought about all the times i've driven by someone running or biking or walking...i have never really noticed them - let alone think something negative about that person...so why do i think that people would notice or even think that about me?? 

what a nice shift that was.  i was able to focus on what i was doing.  i was able to set mini goals to improve my running without looking at walking as a failure TO run.  not only did it feel good to run - it felt good to be wrong. how many times can you say that!