parenting for others

i have never quoted scripture before - mainly b/c i have never had to memorize scripture and the only time i read it is during mass.  this was yesterday's Ash Wednesday Gospel reading

Matthew 6: 16-21
"and whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting.  Truly i tell you, they have received their reward.  but when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret: and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. 

"do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal.  for where your treaure is, there your heart will be also."

while i believe the message of the reading can be applied to many areas of our life - what i thought about immediately after reading the first paragraph was the people i run into day to day who parent loudly - you know the ones....you are in a group of families and suddenly hear a voice above all the others disciplining their child.

"no you can't have that - do you think we are made of money?"

"i told you you can't do that and that's that!"

"i said stop right now and i am the boss!"

usually there is uncomfortable laughter (i don't know about you but i always feel like i have to laugh at something i am appalled at - like a racist comment or loud parenting.  its like i don't want to offend the person who is being offensive!), sideway glances, subtle movements away from the "scene".  i feel horrible for the child.  i am not suggesting that children don't need some "gentle reminders" (lol) now and again in public - but what they don't need is to be humiliated in front of everyone.  i don't want to be treated like that!  but nonetheless - it happens. 

this can also happen with praising loudly too.  there may not be uncomfortable laughter or sidewards glances - but you might find some eye rolls!  of course - i doubt many people object to being praised in front of people....but i can imagine it can be uncomfortable for some.

so what is the message when parenting loudly?  does the praise mean less to the recipient when its put on display for all to hear? do wounds cut deeper when they are not private? my guess is yes - absolutely.  what is the parent's goal in being so loud??? are they masking their own insecurities?  maybe they are thinking the following:  if my child is acting horribly - is this a reflection on me - oh no its not and i'm going to let everyone know that i don't approve!-or-if my child is so wonderful - THIS must be because of me - so i am letting everyone know!

really what can you do when you find yourself in this situation?  not much really - except hopefully realize tht that isn't the best thing to do and avoid it doing it yourself.  some of the best experiences are ones that show you what you DON'T want to do!  nothing good comes out of parenting loudly.

take the time to think of all wonderful things that could happen if everyone stopped trying to put on a show for others to see. 


head on over to the heart's campaign to get info about sending in your blankets!

First - the give ups.......

oh well now where this picture yesterday?  this was my mardi gras mask from last year.  not very flattering on the nose....and kinda freaky overall......but nonetheless it would have worked perfectly for fat tuesday. 

ok - so part of the 40 days and 40 nites of change are the give ups.  its neat to hear what everyone is planning on giving up - what they consider such an addiction that they want it out of their lives - at least for a little while.  every year my brother gives up practically everything - booze, junk food, chocolate - you name it.  he says its all the "fun" stuff we eat.  he makes up these crazy rules too - like he can't have a granola bar b/c its too much like a treat - but he'll eat banana bread b/c its fruit and bread..........he loses a ton of weight too.  of course come Easter he adds it all back into his system.  its fun to watch.  

so this year there are a few of us on the "hefty" side so we are having a contest....sorta like the biggest loser...actually just like the biggest loser.  everyone puts in $10 and the person who loses the most weight percentage wins it all.  see - Lent can be fun!

my give ups are as follows: 

no coffee - oy vey this is the hardest for me - hands down

no soda - i'm not a soda person in general but lately i've been drinking it a lot!

no cakes or cookies or chips or pretzels or anything junky like that.

oh and the computer.....once a day and that is it.  of course i can't put a time limit on it b/c some days i have a lot to do on it) - but once i shut it down - it is shut down for the nite.

for most people this isn't hard.  for others its too extreme.  but i need to be this strict so i can feel a temptation - some discomfort and longing and work through it.  lately i am all ID driven...if i want it i eat it.  i want to rewire that part of my brain.  i love food and trying new tastes and flavors...but lately i'm loving the bad stuff.  i want to love the good stuff again.

my husband is giving up similar stuff.  the boys are even getting in on it (my oldest is giving up cake).  the youngest is limiting his computer/video time.

 
so that is part one.  so far so good. 

but then its only day 1

......out of 40







what i was thinking with that pic?  :-)

check back tomorrow for an update on hearts for haiti!  its time to send the blankets!!!

Fat Tuesday! Fastnacht Day! Mardi Gras!

if you celebrate and however you celebrate - its a time to have fun!!! i took a great picture of my son with a HUGE white powdery donut smile with my cell phone this morning and i have no idea how to download it.  i left my camera at my parent's house last nite...........sigh.....so i am picking a random pic from my harddrive to post........

i guess it'll work....its kinda mardi gras-ish..ok maybe not - but at least its colorful.

anyway - there is so much excitement over here - tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent - and we have a huge competition starting...

40 days and 40 nites of change!!!

in the spirit of Lent - it is time to spring clean our bodies, minds and souls.  we are giving up stuff, making postive changes in our lives, pushing ourselves to the limit.  we are seeing what we are made of.  we will be feeling discomfort, wanting to give up - but we will push through it and succeed. 

there are a bunch of us involved - some things we are doing together.  other things are being added on by different individuals...........

i'm not going to spend every day talking about our progress - but i will keep you posted once in awhile.

preparing for Lent: part 2

i stumbled upon this PDF while googling Lent.  beautiful words that shouldn't be limited just to the season of Lent.....

Lent should be more than a time of fasting. It should be a joyous season of feasting. Lent is a time to fast from certain things and to feast on others. It is a season in which we should:

Fast from judging others; feast on the Christ dwelling in them.

Fast from emphasis on differences; feast on the unity of all life.

Fast from thought of illness; feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute; feast on the phrases that purify.

Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.

Fast from anger; feast on patience.

Fast from pessimism; feast on optimism.

Fast from worry; feast on hope.

Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation.

Fast from negatives; feast on affirmatives.

Fast from bitterness; feast on forgiveness.

Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.

Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.

Fast from suspicion; feast on truth.

Fast from thoughts that weaken; feast on promises that inspire

 

 

another website calls the season of Lent simply, a time to examine ourselves carefully. 

 

so, from what i gather its a spring cleaning for our soul.  i really never thought of it that way and i like that idea.  perfect time of the year for it too.  its the time to look inward - see what is working and what is not - and make the changes necessary to be the person you want to be and are meant to be.  what i think is helpful about doing that type of soul searching is that you can do it along side Jesus - meaning if you need a mentor and guide...you can follow His journey, His struggles and temptations and periods of self doubt and find strength in His success.  with that type of support - you can then embark upon your own journey and revel in your own success. 

preparing for Lent - part one

i was raised roman catholic.

i went to catholic elementary and high school.

i got my teaching certification from a catholic college.

 

i taught in a catholic school.

do i consider myself religious?  no

i am now a lutheran and my children go to public school.  we don't pray before meals or even before bed.  i was amazed when my son recited the Our Father during mass b/c i never taught him it.  i teach high school sunday school - but i'd hardly call it teaching.  i'm lucky if 2 kids show up and we just sit and talk.  my boys go to sunday school - but not regularly.  they are there to receive their sacraments - but i think its mainly to satisfy my catholic parents.  the other day my oldest son told me he didn't believe there really was an adam and an eve that started civilization.  i told him he was right. 

i teach my boys to respect differences and to help others.

i believe in sitting quietly and looking inward for answers.

i think a lot of problems can be solved by simply being nice.

do i consider myself spiritual? yes

but i will admit - i really miss the "religious" part of holy days.  i have very fond memories of all the rituals and excitement leading up to Christmas and Easter.  don't get me wrong - at the time it was a nitemare - weekly mass, confession, incense so thick you thought you'd faint (and often pretended to just so you could leave mass and go outside), constant prayers and endless songs, and so much kneeling!!

but when Christmas came - it meant something. 

and so did Easter.

and honestly i miss that.

Ash Wednesday begins the season of Lent.    Lent starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter.  Lent runs for 40 days.  it is that long to symbolize the 40 days that Jesus spent in the wilderness before he began his public ministry.  during that time Jesus prayed and fasted and was tempted by Satan. 

i remember Lent being a time to give up something.  it was like the opposite of a new year's resolution.  on new years day you came up with a list of stuff you were going to do - like work out and eat right.  during Lent you gave up stuff - like candy and soda.    what they do have in common though is that they are both usually broken after a couple of weeks.  i remember not eating meat on friday and stations of the cross every thursday.

as i got older i didnt like the idea of giving up something.  i became a vegetarian so giving up meat was hardly a sacrifice.  so i decided i would DO something good instead during those 40 days.  but lets face it - i'm really a good person anyway - so that didn't work either.  i found myself searching for the meaning of Lent.

and that is where i still find myself searching for what Lent means to me.  i've been thinking about this for a couple weeks now.  i figure i have 2 more days to figure it out..................

 

turn an old kid's t-shirt into a dog shirt!

this is our yorkie-poo.  he is about 13 years old and missing a LOT of the hair on his body.  its such a shame too b/c his face and legs are still nice and fluffy.  poor guy looks like a total mess.

i really want him to try and keep his core warm b/c its cold both inside and outside our home!  but i didn't want to spend $20 or more dollars on something i wasn't even sure he'd keep on (he can be quite finicky in his old age) so i found an old t-shirt of my sons and played around with cutting and sewing........

 

and now our dear old morty has a new shirt to wear!  he even looks like he is pleased with it!

i kept taking it on and off making adjustments.  i cut out a section underneath for his little peepee.  the next one i make will be alittle longer on his back.  i must warn you though - they are quite addicting to make.  he may just have a new wardrobe by the end of the weekend!

a proper birthday and homemade fire starters

well we did it.  last nite the boys and i got the belated birthday celebration ready for this morning.  we made a photo book, a banner and cards....

plus we made some brownies from martha stewart's baking book and honestly - blech..........but still we made them from scratch

they got up early, snuck downstairs and brought up breakfast in bed

the boys had fun and daddy was very happy.

now in keeping with my desire to make products i normally buy - i made some firestarters for our fireplace.  we just ran out of a box of stick things we had and i didn't want to burn tons of paper since our fireplace is double sides and the ashes are a nitemare..........so i googled and found some that were easy to make and didn't require me to go and buy anything! 

what you need:

cardboard egg cartons

old candles (or any old wax you have)

dryer lint

some household string

very simply stuff the egg carton with lint

melt the candles in a double boiler

                                               

pour the wax into the carton

i cut some string into about 3 inch pieces and just kinda squished them in there.

when they are cooled just break them apart!

each one should burn for 6 minutes and can be used for camping or your fireplace

i have been trying to find a good mold/mildew cleaner and all purpose cleaner and hope to have something soon!