going zero to 60 in 2 months...........

 all i can do as i look back at my last few posts is sigh.  i wanted to blog every day in christmas? well that didn't happen. in fact - i never even got around to blogging at all in january! its not for lack of want - that's for sure.  i wanted to write. i wanted to take pictures with my brand new camera. i wanted to finally sit down and add labels to all my old posts.  i wanted to start the new year with new goals - not resolutions mind you - but "life style changes"....see if you named them something different - you are sure to stick with them......right? i even had plans to start blogging again - feb 1st to be exact - and with a whole month of posts centering around gratitude. 

well i did get my butt in gear enough to sit and actually post something today.  its not what i had in mind - but at this point i figure that's ok. getting here is enough.  but what took me so long to get here this year??

i mentioned a few times before that my husband and i started our own business.  after a slow start last spring and summer - we finally buckled down and got serious this fall. the kids were back in school and back into a routine and we could finally focus on the business.  i went from working 2 days a week to suddenly working over 40 hrs a week.  everything started moving real fast.

the house fell apart - i thought i was so busy to keep it clean.  its like when you have your first child.  you think its so hard and you have no time to do anything else..then you have another child and wonder what you were whining about before! free time disappeared.  gone was the luxury of grocery shopping mid-morning on a weekday.  no more haircuts while the kids were in school.  clean laundry was left in piles on the beds. i did manage to get the house decorated for christmas - but the decorations were not taken down until the end of january (actually - the ornaments are still lying on the pool table waiting to be put away!) i didn't really have the weekends to catch up b/c they were filled with our children's activites and client meetings.

a year ago i got a droid and returned it after a week.  i hated being so connected to everything.  i didn't like checking my email on my phone..or facebook. a few months ago i got an android phone again and i can't imagine life without it.  i am always on call and never miss an email.  i quickly check my facebook and read blogs while sitting at a traffic light.  i send a quick email while waiting in line at the store.  because of this i rarely get in front of an actual computer for "me" time...and that is why i haven't made the time to blog.

i have a love/hate relationship with my current life.  i love my job and our business. i'm proud of what we do. i enjoy dressing up to meet clients - and wearing something besides sweats and sneakers.  i like jewelry again. i have surprised myself with skills i didn't realize i had.

i hate the free time i've lost.  i hate the amount of processed food we eat - or the number of times we eat out.  i'm not thrilled with how i haven't figured out how to juggle it all yet.  and i'm not happy with not my not making the time to practice yoga or write a blog post or practice with my new camera.

one of my favorite movies growing up was coal miner's daughter.  there is a scene at the end when loretta lynn is talking to her fans at her concert and she is explaining about how life just moved so fast for her.  she was a little girl - then she was married - then she had kids - then she was singing up there for everyone.....then she collapses.  she comes back though - after taking a long time off - she comes back.

luckily i haven't reached the point where i have collapsed like poor loretta lynn - but some nights i feel so darn close.  while i technically can't take a long time off - i want to try and take some daily mental time off.  i'm not exactly sure how - its something i've been thinking about for a month now.  i have some ideas - ideas i'll share here i'm sure. i'll try them out - see what works and what doesn't and hopefully i'll get myself and my situation sorted out.

i had wanted to make my february posts all about gratitude and while my first post back doesn't sound gracious at all - i am very grateful for a lot of what's been going on in my life. 

so what tonight's gratitude?  taking the time to blog.  i missed it. so i'm really happy i sat here tonight.

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