in one month - i'll be 42

my birthday is on sept 3rd.

unlike most people - my birthday marks the beginning of a new year for me.  it is during the weeks leading up to my birthday that i look back at what i've done....

at what i could have done differently

at what i still want to do. 

this is when i make my new year resolutions.

getting older doesn't upset me.  every new decade brings with it new experiences and new levels of wisdom.  i welcome and embrace the newness of each year...to the growth that comes with getting older....to the changes i want to make.

i have a lot on my mind as i head towards 42.  i'm going to spend the next month focusing this blog on me and only me.  i want to spend this time exploring and learning. i want to think deeply and feel intensely.  i want to grow and move forward.

this focus on me scares me.  it makes me feel selfish. but that's the point.  i want to be selfish.   

i don't mind getting older.  actually - it realistic to think that i could have at least 50 more years left to go. what i do mind is having the years pass me by...slipping away without thought....without change.   

so that's my plan.  i don't know what i expect to happen on the 3rd.  maybe i'll wake up a different person.  maybe i won't. maybe i'll see that who i am is who i am supposed to be. maybe i'll find that i took a wrong turn and found my way back.  maybe i'll find that i think too much about who i'm supposed to be and i'll just.....be.  whatever it is will be good.  because it will be all about me. and how can that be bad.