why blog? why now?

i remember when i first heard about blogs. at the time i could not imagine having something to write about that would be interesting enough to be read by others. therefore, i didn't give blogging another thought.......until recently. don't get me wrong - i don't think i now have anything interesting to write about - instead - what i have developed is a love of writing.

a couple years ago some friends and i took a very informal writing class. our writings stemmed from a variety of prompts given to us from our "teacher"...a term i use loosely here b/c really i don't think she was educated as a writer herself. she would say things like "red" or "i remember" and off we'd go. these "prompted" writings led to journaling which i would do quite regularly at times - and other times quite sporadically...but nevertheless - i'd find myself yearning to journal and really missing the times i didn't "find" the time to sit alone and write.

i have a close friend that i write to daily. most of our emails are silly. others are not. we can get pretty deep on a variety of topics - family, our kids, parenting, self worth...so on and so on. many times we've jokingly said that we should have our own website so that we could keep our emails forever b/c quite frankly we had alot of good stuff in them. lately our thoughts turned to blogging.

right around that time i stumbled upon some blogs that i really enjoy reading....from some pretty interesting women. besides the wonderful writings - i was struck by the photos that accompanied each post. photography is not something i've studied - but it is something i've really begun noticing lately. i have a simple digital camera that i use - nothing fancy. i upload and save on my harddrive. i've started making photobooks of the usual stuff - vacations, my kids...........but there are pictures that i take specifically to coincide with a thought or feeling in my head - that don't fit the categories of my photobooks..........

so - combine my love of writing - specifically journaling - and add to it my newfound love of phototaking...........and voila - i got the ingredients of a blog! it also helped cure a problem i had of having one too many journals going at one time. i love notebooks. i buy them whenever i go into a store. i buy whatever catches my eye - simple hello kitty ones to beautiful moleskin ones. each journal has a specific purpose. it is hard keeping them all straight - they never seem to be filled either....and they never seem to have a picture included with them. having an online journal keeps all my writings in one place and my accompianing photos. its perfect.

who is my audience? who knows. in my mind- i am writing to a large crowd of blogging peers...super hip women who love taking a picture - and adding words to it. women who don't want to bitch about kids or husbands - but instead want to capture beauty and share it.

in actuality - i am just writing to cindy - who is the only one who knows about my blog - and is probably the only one reading it.

and as for yak? that was my nickname in highschool............

Changing course

when i first started this blog - my intentions were different. i wanted to change my ways - i wanted to eat better, cook better, parent better. i am constantly striving to be "better"...and while trying to grow as a person isn't a bad thing....its not what i was doing.

what i am doing is looking at my life the wrong way. i have a wonderful life. i have 2 amazing boys, a wonderful husband, a comfortable lifestyle. i am blessed with good health and friendships with some of the wisest women around. so instead of trying to improve what i am doing - i should just see - and i mean REALLY see - the beauty in what i already have. focusing on the positive creates more positives.

so that is my goal with this blog - posting the positives. that isn't to say there won't be negative days - there will be - and those days aren't bad. they are learning experiences that i will cherish....and use as such. they just won't define me.

Accountability

I'm always trying to lose weight...and because of that I am always reading various weight loss magazines or books and watching shows like The Biggest Loser - hoping for a quick and easy way to lose this weight while sleeping or eating chocolate. As you can imagine - the information is always the same. In order to lose weight you have to eat right and exercise. I know that - I've gone through spurts of actually doing that too - and yes it works.........but then suddenly I stop and gain back the 2 or 3 pounds I've managed to lose.

Well one day I find myself flipping through a magazine and reading yet another success story - hoping to find my "a ha!" moment.........when I read something that actually DID make me go "a ha!" The woman said that what she had to do was learn to be accountable. She actually would take little baby steps - like say "Ok, tomorrow at 4 pm I will get on the bike"....then she would actually make herself get on the bike at that time. Eventually accountability became second nature to her. Now, that seems like no big deal to most - but to me it was HUGE! I realize that I don't (and honestly never really did) have accountability for my actions. I would say I would do something and most times I did - but many times I didn't.......and when I didn't it was no big deal. But it needs to be a big deal. By letting myself slide all the time - I didn't feel bad about not reaching a goal. Granted - I know you have to cut yourself some slack at times...but you also have to be alittle hard on yourself too at times!

So that is one of my missions - to learn to hold myself accountable. It will be hard and I will be taking baby steps too...(b/c quite frankly I have a ton of excuses all ready to make myself feel better about falling short.)...and my hope is that once being accountable to myself becomes second nature - then my goals will actually have a shot at being achieved.