this pretty much sums it up................

this is how i feel lately. 

my eating is crap.  i'm a vegetarian - i love veggies, love greens, love beans, love grains!!!!  i could be the poster child for vegetarianism!  but nope - it's been highly processed - hfcs laden crap for me lately and i feel it.............everywhere.  i'm sluggish, i'm overweight, i'm weak. 

i'm 41 and holy cow the womanly changes that occur are wigging me out!

its winter and lack of daylight and cold days that keep me inside depress me

add to that the fact that dh is still unemployed and i'm trying to get my stuff together to get on the sub list in our district.........so that stress is being piled on.

all that makes me a less than patient mom and that saddens me too

but - the only thing that doesn't suck right now is my attitude.  while i may have my moments - overall my attitude is optimistic. i'm grateful for that gift - the gift of hope.  i like being a "glass half full" person.  but sometimes a positive attitude isn't enough.  its time to get my rear in gear.  being positive is not making my thighs any smaller - my muscles any stronger or my motivation any.......um.......motivating? 

so its time - and i'm making myself accountable by posting here.  i am changing my eating.  i am going to exercise and get outside at least 15 minutes every day.  i am going to limit my daily computer use too.  last year during Lent i got online only once a day.  it was a  hard 40 days but it was an eye-opening 40 days.  even though i wasn't on a lot - being online more than once a day sucks a lot of life out of you.  so i am going back to only once a day online....well except for the 2 days a week i am at work. i am going to nurture myself.  heather is giving a week of ideas that are wonderful!!!!!

i am also giving the green smoothie challange another shot.  and i am posting it all here for awhile.......

so there!  God willing i have another 40+ years left to live - years that i have total control over.  i have one body.  i know there will be ups and downs - but i am determined to always look up when there is a down and not give up.  i always tell my husband that i have faith that one day i will kick myself in the ass and get back into shape........lets hope its this time ;-)

on a side note - check out the Hearts for Haiti update on blanket donations!

its a heat wave!

well not really - but its been in the 40s and the low 50s the past couple of days and it sure feels that way!  my husband and i took the opportunity friday afternoon for a quick hike before it was time to get the boys.  we are very lucky to have a state park across the street so we grabbed our boots and off we went.

this is the only trail the boys don't complain too much about going on - mainly b/c we like to pretend to stumble upon what i call the ruins

i really have no idea what they once were -

but the boys (who are war buffs) like to pretend they are from WWII.

at this point it is usually where we have to stop and turn around - but this time we got to go further

and explore some more

it was so peaceful

i didn't even mind when my husband

kept telling me to please stop photographing the rocks....

sometimes they just don't get it.

A lot going on! The Hearts Campaign (hearts for haiti)

i have started a new blog focusing solely on the hearts campaign. that is what i am calling my new mission to make a connection to a child who finds himself a victim of a disaster - by providing them with handmade heart pillows and dolls (and blankets - but i will provide more info on that once definite) in an effort to make them feel there is hope.

i'd like to keep this blog separate.  i just feel weird posting happy times and family crafts one day - then discussing disaster and sadness the other!  but i'll still use this to link over when need be!

i am so excited to be starting this initiative!  this is the the first step in my desire to do mission work oversees sometime in the future (after my boys are grown and out on their own!)

finally - i was looking at a vision board i created last year and right there in the bottom right corner was a whole section of mission work pictures - images i was drawn to and wanted to see manifest themselves into reality. 

looks like now is the time!!

i can't sit back this time............Hearts for Haiti

when disaster strikes - locally or internationally - i want to help

but i never know what to do

or if i have an idea - i don't know where to start

this is my year to just jump in

i spent last night thinking about what i can do for the children in haiti

the scared

the lonely

the orphaned

my heart goes out to them

and this is how i got my idea for hearts for haiti

my idea is to make heart shaped pillows - each with a pocket on the back that holds a doll.  the doll is a very simple one with either a skirt or pants sewn on and heart on the chest (the heart on the doll matching the fabric of the pillow)  i would use recycled fabrics as much as i could.

lisa from rosamund is interested in helping with this idea of creating something personal for the victims in haiti. 

i am going to present this idea to my boys' home and school association and my church to see if i could get the children involved b/c quite frankly its for children and how special to receive something from children!  wouldn't it be great if we could get children from all around this country to make these pillows?

i have no idea how many we'd actually make or how we would get them to haiti and into the hands of the children.............but quite honestly i think if we just make the pillows - God will do the rest.

will you consider joining?  even if your family wants to make a pillow/doll and send it to me to add to whatever we make that would be wonderful!!

edited to add - i am starting a new blog to focus solely on the hearts campaign with our first project being hearts for haiti! come join us!

perspective - haiti

this morning i didn't want to make lunch for the boys b/c i was feeling crabby. then i got mad b/c they didn't want to eat the school lunch which was an oven baked cheese sandwich. so i stomped around the kitchen - slapping mayo on bread, putting chips and hummus in a container, filling water bottles from a 5 gallon jug.......

i rushed the boys out the door b/c we were late. they chose which coat to wear - which shoes to put on - which hat they wanted on their head........

in haiti they don't have these problems. their problems are on a much grander scale. they can't fight with their children........b/c their children have died. they can't offer a choice for lunch....b/c they have no food.

it is heartbreaking to think about the people whose lives have been wiped out or ripped apart.

please consider donating to your organization of choice. there are many out there from which to choose. Care is one such organization. find one you are comfortable with and help if you can.

times like this i wish i could do more than just send money into cyber space. i wish i could organize some type of collection - but for what? and where would i send it? how do you decide what they need? what you can offer? wouldn't it be great if we us bloggers can work together to set up a collective collection in our homestates? if anyone knows of anything like that - please let me know. maybe we can start together from the ground up.

the winter sky

i tried so hard to capture the color of the sky tonite. it was the most amazing shade of orange/red that i've ever seen. the boys said it looked it like we were driving into a volcano. we kept passing the camera around the car - each of us trying to take the best picture...but it was hard. the sun was setting so quickly and i was driving in traffic so we were constantly passing cars and houses and telephone poles and wires.

i'm not a huge fan of the winter months. i don't like it cold and i especially hate when its dreary.

......but that winter sky

colors you never equate with the sky - red and orange, purple and pink......all find the time to make an appearance........in the winter.......and if you are lucky - you catch those times.

the boys and i were glad we did just that - tonite.

new year's eve 2009

every year we have a new year's eve party for our family and friends and all our kids. throughout the years people drift in and out of attendance - mostly in as more and more of our family members have children. it is always a such a great time and the perfect way to ring in the new year.

this year the boys made the decorations.

my husband and i wanted to do something alittle different this year. so - we decided to host a murder mystery. we made profiles for every guest - exaggerated caricatures really - and man was that fun. i will admit - my husband did most of the writing. i set up the basic outline - pairing the individuals and coming up with motives.....and dh put it all together. while i prepared the food - he would ask for a word or plot twist - and i'd shout back my reply.

i must admit - it was brilliant! we really thought some of the stuff we wrote was oscar worthy! (ok - maybe not - but it was pretty darn funny)

.......thankfully our guests thought so too

here is the murderer. it was our birthday present to her.

b/c on new year's eve she turned 18.

sometimes you can't find an 8 candle - so you have to improvise

.....soon it was time to ring in the new year. the adults found themselves in front of the tv watching dick clark's countdown

while the kids had a very loud parade......

maybe next year i'll pass out the noisemakers seconds before the countdown......not 30 minutes.

you know - regardless of the type of year you had.......i find that making the most out of the last few hours before ringing in the new one - can help you forget most of the bad times you may have had.

at least it does for me.